Boston Adventures
One girl's quirky adventures in this shitty town.
Friday, April 26, 2002 :::
sock with sandals
people think of this as an LA thing. or at least one person does. i do this everynight. i come home take off only my shoes and put on my sandals. i'm too lazy to walk across the street and buy a pair of $3 slippers. instead i use last summer's leather sandals. they are good so why buy something else?
now with the introduction of the sock to the sandal while in the home it tend to slip. more like the sandals decides to take a rest and I continue to walk. well today that was the recipe of disaster. i was walking downstairs to the one washer and dryer that I share with 25 other people and my sandal decided go sightseeing. As a result I stumble, bust my ass, drop the laundry, all my quarters, and bruise my lip. It doesn't help that the guy who lives in the basement apartment comes out to check on me. I feel like a gimp. So my fellow angelinos stop wearing sandals with socks.
Now on to more depressing news. I have weird dreams on a ocassion but nothing as weird as last night's. Let's start with the good things first. I lived in some type of low-income housing complex for the arts. So if you wanted to live there you had to agree for your child to participate heavily in the building arts program. So it was audtion day and I had to stop several people from trying to sneak in the back. I don't know wierd. Including a tall Asian girl in a wedding dress who's parents didn't have accents but her's was very thick.
Le's move on to the second dream. In fact it makes me sick as I type this. In this dream I was almost gang raped by three men. I was able to escape but only after almost suffocating because they put a pillow over my face when I started screaming. After I escaped we got into an argument the next day because they failed to understand what their actions amounted to. I wasn't scarred of them. What makes it worse is that I was related to two of these people. It makes no fucking sense because there is a 0% threat from these 3 men in real life.. I wonder why I have such weird dreams. In the last 6 weeks my dreams have been 50% sexual in nature. I always wonder what they mean as sometimes I can see the subconsious thinking in my dreams but, there are always those that I fail understand. I also wonder if I screamed in my sleep. I tend to talk, cry, and sometimes I scream in my dreams. I could always turn this into the dream chronicles.
Thursday, April 25, 2002 :::
swiped from mindlessconformity.com
To: drew@mindlessconformity.com
From: ..................
Dear Drew,
I can't tell you how shocked and surprised I am by what I have found today. Your dad had told me that a customer of his found a website on the internet called mindlessconformity.com. Little did we know this filth of a site was run by our own son. I can't believe what I saw drew, going through all of your past articles and what you have written. The way you treat women, the way you exploit them is appalling. For the first time in my life I felt ashamed of you drew. What happened to the inocent boy who I used to know.
You call what you do entertainment. I can't belive all the porn and naked women you put on your site. Its dirty. So this is what you do at school. Your dad and I work our asses off to and spend enless amounts of money on your education and this is the product. A website so degrading to women, and humanity that it makes me sick. Drew, this needs to stop. If it doesn't consider yourself on you own for the rest of your college days. We need to talk.
-Mom
(and don't ask me how i found this because you wouldn't believe me)
Since I have been in Boston I have gone through many looks. Finally I have a picture to show you all. It's not a very good one but you get the idea. I've been told many things and I have learned a few things about other people since I cut my hair. There are many people of the lighter persuasion with curly hair (remember when I would call them paste?) who have desired my hair. It's one thing to like it but it is another thing to desire. Of course from my stand point I believe that everyone else thought naps were the worse thing on the face of this earth (i would never be mistaken for having so called "good hair") . It's funny to me to see people desiring yet another "black" trait. It makes sense but I find it quite humourous.
I am finally getting back to the flow of things here in Boston. It was a long 7 days in the Nation's Capital and I got to see a majority of the city (not that DC itself is that big). I walked around in the usual tourist traps and I did get to see little bits of residential life. I wanted to get out and be around the people so that I could get a real feel for the place. I have considered moving to DC before and I even went so far as to look at the housing ads. I think that city could be positive for me mentally because the color ratio is much better than Boston. A move would mean starting over in a new city, making new friends, and a new life for myself.
I really want to move out of Boston but it is so easy to stay. As much as I complain I am not really taking any steps to change things. The only place I feel comfortable enough to move right now to is LA. I really don't like LA but there are so many other reasons to move back home. I am yearning to be around my friends and family right now. For the first time I feel that I want to be close to my family. I no longer want to run from those who shaped and molded me. I want to get to know them; to know my personal history. It is also the best feeling in the world to have a support network and people you can talk to at anytime. The other is that my mom has cancer. Although she is healthy we haven't lived the same city for 6 about years and when I left home for college she wasn't my favorite person. Maybe I should buy her ticket to come and visit me and we can hang out? Go to New York? Maybe DC, she always says she wants to go to DC. For once maybe I should do something for my mother now that I have stopped disliking her.
The third issue is my boyfriend. We are in the infant stages of a relationship, exactly one year. So many times I have expressed that he is not the one for me in the long run, but as we grow together all of my theories become false. When he comes back from vacation I’m going to have a serious talk about our relationship. I truly believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder. You stop looking at the petty things and at the overall beauty. I’ve never seen such genuine concern in my life. The other thing is I’m starting to think about "us." I always felt that I was too young to think about "us". I always thought this particular relationship was disposable because we were not serious enough to think about making decisions with the other person in mind. For example eventually we will go back to graduate school, most likely I before he, and should I think about having him follow me? Following in my eyes is something very sacred and you only reserve for those you are truly thinking about conducting lengthy relationship with. But I’m thinking (not that example) of these types of things. I’m not ready to leave this relationship. I have seen what distance can do to relationships and friendships. I’ve left so many things not realizing the value that have to my life. If I had of realized how important some people are to me then I would have never moved to Boston. So this is something very important to me. I've know now more than ever not to abandon good friends. Those are gifts from God not to be taken lightly and for granted.
What makes moving out of Boston better is if I stood for something or felt strongly about another place. For instance if I applied to school then I would have a strong reason for moving, If my mother was sick (God forbid) I would have yet another strong reason for moving. If there were a dream job offered to me in another city I would have yet another strong reason for moving. Now I must come up with some motivations within to move. I chose a life that is easy to replicate in most environments. I have friends who have musical aspirations and it only makes sense for them to live in certain cities. For me it doesn’t really matter my life exists all over the world. World travel now there is a thought!
This is the first time in a long time I've stayed home over the weekend. I'm just sitting here feeling a little weird. I can finally really clean my room and stuff like that. I'm just realizing how I don't have that much free time so I always feel so overwhelmed by stuff. Now it's cool i'm just sitting on my ass downloading music
I'm also seriously contemplating moving back to Cali. Why? Well I need to get out of Boston and out of debt. So I thinking moving back home with my mother temporarily will do that. I don't think I could stay for that long. The other thing is that I need my friends. I need to be around people who understand and know me. I've been playing though girl for far too long. I need friends and family. This is even more urgent since the few people I call friends in this city are all moving back to New York. I have to leave. I just have to start preparing people for this major change.
I've been really sensitive to the losing friends bit for a while. No matter how hard I try I seem to lose them. Right now I'm in the process of writing a really good old friend a letter. I have to say old friend because things are not the same between she and I. I don't think I've seen her this year at all. We have seem to have gone our separate ways but I'm not ready to call it the end. I want her back in my life. At one time she was the only person I could truly depend on and I wheter she knows it or not I would call her one of my best friends. Although we are totally different people she didn't judge me and I didn't judge her. We just supported each in our endeavors and new when to just let each other live our lives.
What I am not sure of if I was the one who let things fall by the wayside. I thnk I tried hard to keep it alive. I know that my relationship changed things but I never put him in front of her. If she wanted to see me, needed me, or wanted hang out I was there. The problem is I am not sure if she new this. People are really into respecting the relationship boundaries but for me I put my friends first. I'm not sure if she knew this. At this point none of this really matters. I really just want my friend back.
